Today I took my journal, Bible and pen out to sit under one of the trees and think and breath in the sight of God's beautiful creation. It was overcast which, of course, added to my thoughtful mood. But today it wasn't like, "Man-is it really time for the kids to come back?" or "I wonder how this year will be like" but about how I had been feeling lately. I had been feeling discouraged and let down and began questioning; Was this REALLY where God had called me to? And if it is, did the way that I was feeling just mean that it was time for me to move on to the next thing He had in store for me? Was I really impacting lives? Had lives been changed?
I prayed, begging for wisdom and insight on what it was He wanted me to be doing. Something like this;
"God, if you want me here, make it clear.
Show me this is where you want me to be."
You see, in our earlier sessions we had talked about investing in lives. About discipling and growing in Christ. How if God uses me (what a humbling thought) to change even one life because of my testimony and investment in their life, it is worth it.
It's really easy too look around and get discouraged if we don't see visible reactions to what we spend our time investing in or see the effects of effort. It can be difficult to not see the fruit of our labor right in that moment; but think about it. When something is planted, it doesn't (usually) sprout and bloom and grow into a beautiful flower overnight. It takes time, care, nurturing, water; and then it begins to grow, and we continue that process as it grows and becomes what it was created to be.
It's the same when we invest in lives around us. A seed is planted in their heart, it's watered, grows, and then blossoms; but it takes time and patience. God will use us, but we need to remember that it is for His glory. We need to keep our eyes fixed on Him and our hearts filled with hope, faith, love and joy. And patience.
We were asked to think of our three favorite teachers and share them with our colleagues. We were then questioned what made them our favorites and why we could still call them to mind today; and the answer was quite simple. They had all invested in who we were. For me, the first person I thought of was my kindergarten teacher and how she showed me from such a young age what true joy looks like!
INVESTING.
Am I truly investing in the lives of my kids? Are lives being changed? Do they know that I am there for them?
I guess for me the answer came when I remembered the note that I had tucked in my bible from a former student, or the post-it note that sits on my bookshelf, or the simple email from another former student asking to catch up over coffee.
And in that moment I realized that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. That in my moments of doubt, God answered and showed me. Although it can be so challenging and difficult when you can't see proof of change or the impact that you may leave...it is worth it. If God uses you to impact even one life...it is worth it.
